Death By Fruitcake
by im-batman
Summary: Since nobody enjoys fruitcake and yet everyone exchanges it during the holidays the Arkham Asylum staff brought their unwanted fruitcakes into work to be fed to the inmates. And Joker hated it.


**Merry Christmas!!! A little something to spread that holiday cheer. haha**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

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Fruitcake.

Joker poked at the hardened piece of fruit filled cake that sat upon the Arkham Asylum lunch tray. Now Joker had spent quite a few Christmases in the Asylum, and it had become a tradition that for the week leading up to, the week of, and the week after Christmas the inmates were served nothing but fruitcake.

Since nobody enjoys fruitcake and yet everyone exchanges it during the holidays the Arkham Asylum staff brought their unwanted fruitcakes into work to be fed to the inmates. And Joker hated it.

A hunk of fruitcake and a sytrofoam cup of water, that was all that was on the tray. Joker would drink the water but he refused to eat that damn fruitcake. It was December 23rd and Joker hadn't eaten in days, he'd been hiding the unwanted fruitcake under his cot, and the nurses never knew.

Joker bent down and threw the latest piece under his bed then sat back up and chugged the water making a mess of it and spilling half of it onto his Arkham jumpsuit.

"Ahhhh," Joker said standing to his feet.

Joker walked over to door to peek out of the little barred window. The nurse that had brought him his 'supper' wasn't waiting out in the hall, she must have got tired of waiting. Joker looked up and down the hall searching for someone to talk to. He saw a guard making his way up the hall, getting closer to Joker's cell.

He was a scrawny little thing, Joker was thinking about how easy it would be for him to fit his hands around the guards throat. As the guard neared Joker began yelling out to him.

"Hey, Hey, Heeeee-eey," Joker called out to the guard, getting no response each time.

The guard, Donnie Rockwood was a 23 year old high school drop out. He'd been working at the Asylum for a month now and had been okay with it, until The Joker yelled at him, that was the scariest moment of his entire life.

"HEY!!!" Joker hollared when Donnie tried to just sneak past his cell.

Donnie walked right up to the cell door, _he's so stupid,_ Joker thought.

Joker reached his hands through the bars and grabbed Donnie by the collar, the guard was so paralysed with fear he didn't even reach for his radio.

Joker pulled Donnie as close to the bars as he could, "What day is it?"

"Wednesday," Donnie gasped.

"Oh God you're a dumb ass," Joker whispered, "The date, the fucking date!"

"Oh, ah 23rd, it's the 23rd," Donnie stammered.

Suddenly Joker released Donnie letting him fall to the floor. Joker had moved away from the window, Donnie could hear him mumbling things from inside the cell.

"Ha the 23rd, hehe," Joker said.

Joker popped back up at the window, startling Donnie.

"Heeeey," Joker said excitedly.

"What now?" Donnie questioned from his spot on the floor.

"HAPPY FESTIVUS!!" Joker cheered.

Donnie ignored Joker and stood to his feet to leave.

"Waaa-it," Joker whined.

"What," Donnie said, starting to get very frustrated by The Joker.

"Nobody ever took my tray," Joker said, sadly.

Donnie sighed and took out his pass key to unlock Joker's door. Once he was inside Joker grabbed him again and slammed him up against the wall. Joker removed the handcuffs that were attached to Donnie's belt then he dragged Donnie over to his bed and put one cuff around Donnie's wrist and the other around the bed's leg.

"You know what, uuhhh," Joker looked at the name tag on Donnie's uniform, "Donnie you look hungry," Joker walked over towards the door and picked up the pass key that had been dropped when Donnie came in, "I'm gonna do something about that," Joker said swiping the key then he turned back to Donnie before he left, "You be gooood."

Joker looked up and down the halls and didn't see one guard, you would think they would like to keep a lot of guards on the floor with The Joker on it. Joker looked to his right and saw that the room next to his wasn't a cell but a closet, a janitor's closet. Now who thought it would be a good idea to put Joker in the cell next to the janitor's closet.

Joker swiped his pass key once again and entered the room, there wasn't much in it which explained the poor living conditions at the Asylum. But Joker saw what he needed, he quickly grabbed it then made his way back to his cell.

Donnie was trying to grab his radio with his foot, it had fallen to the floor when Joker slammed him into the wall. But then he heard Joker outside the door and he became frozen.

Joker walked in waving a thick roll of duck tape.

"Ok," Joker said sitting down beside Donnie and reaching under the bed, " Here we go."

Donnie looked to see what Joker had pulled out, fruitcake, and lots of it. Donnie's breathing increased when thoughts started rushing through his mind of what The Joker might do to him.

"Oh," Joker said staring at one of the cakes, "The rats got to this one."

Joker had removed all the fruitcakes out from under his bed and they were now sitting in between himself and Donnie. Then Joker picked up one of the cakes and stared intently at it then looked at Donnie. Then suddenly Joker threw himself at Donnie, pried his mouth open and started shoving cake into it. Donnie fought and struggled against The Joker as he forced the cake back his throat.

Joker continued this process until all the cakes were gone. Joker was sitting on top of Donnie who was trying to force the cake back out with his tongue.

"Ah ah ah," Joker scolded, "You don't want to waste it do you?"

Joker grabbed the duck tape and pulled off a piece. Donnie's eyes widened as Joker's placed the piece of tape over his mouth, forcing anything that had been hanging out back even further.

Joker could hear Donnie beginning to choke, his smile widened at the sound of it.

Donnie was slipping further and further, then Joker leaned forward and whispered something into his ear.

"Merry Christmas."

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**Hahaha I'm so happy with this!!! And it was without church amazingly enough. I hope I scared everyone out of eating fruitcake this year. **

**But I hope you liked this and I hope you all have a good Christmas.**

**im-batman**


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